Do you believe?

Many times in life we are hit with hard things. God takes those “hard times” and helps them become more. The Bible is full of theses incidences. He can take broken things and make them better, because God is never broken. People may crumble, friendships may break, but God stays the same. However, we often times are asked by God, “Do you believe?”. Maybe your like Paul and you say “of course God”, and maybe he tells you to “feed his sheep”. Why is this question so huge?

In Matthew 9:27-30 , there is a story about two blind men. Reading it this morning, I noticed something that I’ve over looked for years. A simple sentence that holds so much meaning.

“Do you believe that I am able to do that?” (Vs.28)

You see these two men followed Jesus begging him to heal their eyes so they could see. Jesus asked them that one simple question. They answered “yes” and he healed them because of their faith: “(vs. 29) According to your faith let it be to you.” .

Isn’t their story in line with our own? How many times have you prayed to God or begged God to hear you. To understand your pain. To heal you from hurt, heartache, sorrow, or tears. How many times have you prayed the same prayer thinking maybe God has put you on the back burner and forgotten about you? How many trails and tests have you walked, sat, or crawled through to get where you are today? And how many times did you want to give up, because you felt like your hope ran out and your faith is soon to follow?

Maybe God is asking you:

“Do you believe I can do this?”.

Do you believe I, God of the universe; who created you fearfully & wonderfully, who knows your greatest fears-hurts-dreams-& loves; can do what you are asking me to do? Do you believe with everything you have left? Do you believe that I can touch you and you be healed? Do you think I can actually do the biggest things you pray for ? Or do you still want to hold on to your own will so much that your not willing to lay it down in front of me & say “I trust you”.

I will admit this part of faith isn’t easy… Trusting God with the very things that you hold so dear to you isn’t easy. Laying your wants, fears, dreams, and more down at his feet and saying “Ok God here I am. I believe in you.” Is not easy. We are broken people. We are often blinded in this world just like those men. We are walking around begging God for sight, but maybe when he asks us that one question- we are hesitant.

What is keeping you from saying “Yes God I believe!”. What is holding you back? For me it was fear. I have already sacrificed so much already. I’ve already had to hand our son back to God and trust that this was his will. I had to then trust that God would have this sorrow and bring joy like his word promises. Then I prayed. I felt like I pray the same prayers, but he still listens. To be honest there and days, months, and even years I felt like he had left me in the dark and forgotten about me. There are things he said to write about that are to painful, songs he wanted me to sing that I felt I couldn’t, and moments he pushed me out of my comfort zone into situations that made me grow, but I still am like those blind men…. Begging God to hear me, see me, heal me. I too had to answer his question.

“Yes God I believe.”

And like those blind men who were healed, I too am waiting. Waiting for my miracle… Until then, I will choose to say “I believe”.

Thank you for reading. I hope it helped you today! If it did write a comment and let me know . I would love to hear back from you or even pray for you.

Have a wonderful day!

Marli

-Angel Mom to Rhett Alec

Gracefully Broken

Today as I was taking down my Christmas tree, (Finally), I broke an important ornament to me. My first “Mom” ornament.

It may not seem like much to others, but that was my first Christmas “Mom” label. It was my first Christmas ornament I put on our tree, (along with Shawn’s 1st Dad ornament), before Rhett was born. So to have it shatter in the box while I was being so careful with it brought me to tears.

As I say at my kitchen table looking at the pieces, trying to see if I could “fix it”. I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn’t. I would have to “toss it away” and have it as only a memory.

Then an idea can to me. Take the broken pieces and place them inside an empty clear ornament I had left over from the year before.

So as I tried to patiently place the small white “snow like” styrofoam balls into its “new” home, it became difficult. They seemed to “run away” each time I tried to pry them from their plastic box.

That’s when God said, “See how they flew in other directions like their scared to go to their new home? They cannot see where you going to put them or what your going to do with them, & you do that too.”

Sitting there at the table, I looked down at these little styrofoam balls amazed. It took something so small to make me see a lager picture…

I was holding on to a “Label”. A “Label” the world sometimes doesn’t recognize. A “label” others think I cannot carry anymore since my child is no longer on Earth. A “label” I cherish, yet brings me great pain. What “label” does God have for me? Am I more than my “label”?

Yes I am a Mom. I am a Wife. A daughter. A sister. A Friend. To God I am more than my “labels”. He sees through them. He sees so much more than what the world “thinks” I am. He sees a warrior, with scars, and baggage. God sees the bigger picture. Yet, I am like the styrofoam. Clinging to the sides of my “use to be” home. Clinging onto “labels” that pain and cherish. God wants to move me from one place to another. With joy, peace, & happiness. I hold him back at times when I run. Unlike myself, he’s patiently waiting on me to sit still so he can pick up one piece at a time.

Sometimes I still try to take control & I get scared when I can’t see the end. If I stop and look back, I can see the mountains Hod has brought me over. The valleys he’s brought me through. The oceans he’s helped me swim. Even though I cry and have fears and hurts, he is still paving my path.

Yes, I have been through “huge, painful,” battles. Yes, I do see myself as a warrior, because I know if I would have laid down and gave up – who knows where I may be…

This hurts. This journey hurts. Life hurts…but in pain there is beauty. I have seen it in the mist of a raging hurricane. And when a hurricane hits land, the eye of it is calm. That is how God is in our storms. We just have to hold on through the winds, rain, & “labels”: in order to get to the all seeing eye; God himself.

This June will be 2 years. Rhett will be 2. And I often think back to the days before he was born and smile with joy, but I know the end the story,(on earth), and it still pains me. God says this is just the “middle” of the story! The end is heaven. Until then we have to survive between the “two gardens” on earth.

(***Lysa TerKeurst has a book called “it wasn’t suppose to be this way” & talks about the two gardens. Check her book out.***)

In all the shatter pieces of my life. My world has crumbled into a zillion tiny pieces. I’ve had to lay dreams down & cry tears I never knew I would have too. I have felt my heart literally crumble within my chest and the breath in my lungs stop. Even though I cannot see Gods big plan, I have to stop and thank him for picking me up.

Picking me up at his feet, because he has made me “Gracefully Broken”.

Have a blessed day.

Marli Wright

– Angel Mom to Rhett Alec-

Holding on in 2019

“A new year & a new you!” “This is my year to take back myself!” “I’m going to shed the weight, go for that dream, ask for a promotion!”

We all have heard the “Nee Year” Resolutions, but most of the time in about a month they too fissile out. The gyms will slow down, the dreams will become smaller, & soon summer will be here.

But for those who suffer from loss, we think: “Another year already? It seems like I’m still trapped in 2017. It cannot be 2019…” Maybe your like me & you wonder “how”?

Last year I wrote a blog about my resolutions. How it was going to be “my year”! How I was going to hope more worry less. How I was going to let go and let God! (You know all those Christian bumper sticker sayings.) To some degree I did those things, but in other I failed…

No we did not receive our rainbow.

No we did not hear news we wanted to hear.

We had to suffer all the holidays all over again without our Rhett.

We had to feel the pain of the unknown and the what if’s like they were just here yesterday.

The new year isn’t always “great” for some. Maybe you too know the pain…

Most of you know our story. Most of you know about our special Rhett Alec ❤️. Most of you know I have PCOS and everything that is easy for one woman is difficult for me. Medicines, emotions, this road can become hopeless very easily. That’s what grief does. It takes your joy, places it in a blender, and poof it’s gone. Al your left with is a smoothie of emotions and they don’t taste pleasing through a straw…

This Christmas, I have a friend that gave me a very special gift. She too is an angel Mom and her friendship to me is very dear to my heart. She gave me a necklace with Rhett’s name on it, but on the back it had Psalms 46:5.

Psalms is a book I enjoy, but I could not remember this verse to save my life – so one morning, I opened my bible to find a verse I needed to describe my journey thus far.

“God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her, at break of day.” -NIV

Some versions say “God is with her”, I like this one instead.

“God is WITHIN her, she will NOT fall.”

That alone brought me to tears. I was at the end of “my” hope and I was wondering if I would become hopeless again. Then I read this. God is not only with me, but for me, protecting me, guiding me, holding me, but his strength & hope is within me. So with that said I cannot fall spiritually. I cannot fall even though I feel I failed every resolution I made. Those are “my plans, my wishes for the year”. God sees a different picture.

“God will help her, at break of day.”

Not only did God say he’s with me, but he gave me a time when he would meet up with me and help me. “Break of Day”. Or in other words “Morning”. God will meet me every morning, IF I choose to meet him there. He will show up, but I have to show up too. He will help me get through hard days. Looking back he’s already rescued me drowning deep roaring waters, the valley of the shadow of death, deep deep dark grief, and he leads me now even when I feel like there is no more light on my life- he’s still there. Every morning like clock work, the sun rises and God is waiting on me to say- “Hey, I’m here.”.

This year may not be my “year”. I don’t know what this eat will even hold. God does. He allowed me (in 2018) to send 10-12 Rhett boxes to hurting families who lost a child as well, so they may can know God’s healing. He’s allowed me to share my story a time or two to complete strangers. So 2019 May hold bigger things than my mind can dream of right now. I have to hold on to hope that God will and does know the desires of my heart and will provide those things. Not because I’m worthy, but because in 2018 I finally grasped the meaning of his love. It has shown me new things. God has shown me I can be a spiritual warrior and be quiet as well. He’s shown me this through his love.

So maybe you too feel hopeless going into 2019. Let me tell you God hasn’t forgotten you. He knows exactly where you are. He knows your situation, desires, needs – & he hears them.

This year I’m working on the “bitter” parts of me & trying to let God turn them in “better” parts.

And like Lecrae sings in his song: “I’ll find you” – I’ll leave you with this.

“Just fight a little longer my friend
It’s all worth it in the end
But, when you’ve got nobody to turn to
Just hold on, and I’ll find you

We choose to fight every moment in our grief stricken road, but if we meet God every morning- He’ll find you & show you the worth in the end.

*****************************************Prayers for a wonderful 2019. What are some of your resolutions? Comment them below!

Pray for families who have lost love ones & above all be kind!

Thank y’all so much for reading,

– Marli Wright

(Angel Mom to Rhett Alec)