Many of us feel insane somedays. Maybe it was a stressful day, week, month, or even year. Maybe you just don’t feel like “yourself”. Maybe your going through a battle, a trail in life, that’s got you questioning everything- including God. Whatever your going through, there’s always a voice you hear… But what voice do you listen to? Before you go and sign me up for the local insane asylum, hear me out.
As kids we watch cartoons that featured a “good and bad” voice on each shoulder. Most of the time they were illustrations of an “angel” & a “devil”. What we laugh about as kids, is true in everyday life. We have two voices fighting to be heard. Which one do we pick? Somedays it’s hard to distinguish between the two. Other days it can seem quite easy to pick and choose. What we don’t realize is, each voice knows the exact struggles, doubts, fears, battles, and emotions we are carrying around with us . Each voice – knows our down falls. They each know the wounds we suffer and how we got them. They know the losses we grieve over. The pain we shy away from. The secret tears we hide from the world and so on. And each voice wants us to choose them…. So how do we choose?
In the Bible it actually talks about how Gods voice is still and quiet. How the prophet Elijah, in 1Kings 19:11-12, heard this voice after many different things. God sent a wind, a fire, and an earthquake- but God was not in those things. God was in the stillness. The quietness of the air. Sometimes our worlds are so loud that we cannot hear that still small voice. We are overloaded with noises that we don’t even know how to turn off, and there isn’t an Alexa Echo in the world that can shut them off either. So how do we hear God and not the enemy?
I was reading a book awhile back called “It’s not suppose to be this way” by Lysa TerKeurst- and then later I got the privilege to hear her speak about this book and this topic. One thing that stuck out to me was this; “You have to ask yourself- ‘Who’s telling you those things?’ “. Who is telling you those things of doubt in your life? Who is telling you that your not strong enough? That your not a mother? That your not worthy to be their friend, have that job, or take that risk? Who’s telling you your not beautiful, you can’t be noticed, or you can’t be whom your dreaming to be? Who is telling you this? Sometimes no one is physically telling us anything. Sometimes we can’t get out of our own heads.
Eve was tempted by a voice in the Garden. Moses heard a voice in a burning bush. Only difference between those two was one was an evil voice and one was God. The enemy will come in fear. He will cause you to doubt yourself. Doubt God. Doubt that your worth joy and love. He will manipulate your emotions and your pain to no end. He will drag you down, beat the snot out of you, and leave you there Broken and alone – if you let him. But God comes to build you up. Show you that your worthy of joy and love. Then he gives you peace over your overwhelming emotions. He will lift you up, fix your brokenness, and never leave your side- if you choose.
I’ve been on both sides of the voices… I’ve been so low in dark places, I thought I would never get off the floor . I thought grief, pain, and loss was the only things in life I was made for. I thought pain and numbness were my new feelings I would feel forever. I have been such a mess, Broken in a million pieces- that I believed I was unfixable. I have had my emotions twisted, stomped on, and shattered many times. I have had triggers emotionally, anxiety, and even depression at times that I cannot begin to explain to you. I have been overwhelmed by fear to the point I didn’t know what to do. – But – through all of that, I have also been lifted up on the mountain. I have seen the glimpses of light shine into a dark pit. I have seen my brokenness come together (not perfectly) but made whole. I have seen pain turn into joy. Hopelessness restored. Bruised dreams healed . And miracles I didn’t think could be possible for me made right. What’s the secret? Knowing God.
You see I still struggle with pain and grief. My life will always be triggered by loss. I will always have a hole where my child should be. I will always long for what I cannot have with Rhett. And I will until the day I die. God says, “I will make you new one day. No tears,no pain…” and until I get to heaven I will always have those feelings. I have to learn how to choose what voice to listen to day in and day out until Heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7 is a verse that even two years ago in the beginning of my biggest nightmare and pain, I had written on the marker board in my hospital room. It’s a verse I have to remind myself of daily. And this verse helps me distinguish between the voices in my head and which to choose.
“2 Timothy 1:7 – For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Next time you feel overwhelmed. You feel knocked down, full of doubt, confused, and don’t know what to voice to choose… Ask yourself “Who’s telling me these things?” . Because that verse plainly tells what God gives. And if it’s fear, doubt, worry, stress, etc- it’s not of God. God gives peace, love, and in tough choices – a sound mind. We will never be prefect in our choices. Unfortunately we will never be free from anxiety etc- but until Heaven- lean on God. Search for his voice. His ways. Then ask him to clear the rest of the mess out for you.
Thank you & Have a wonderful day.
– Marli
*Angel Mom to Rhett
*Rainbow Mom to Selah
