Battles 

Battles… We all have them. Looking in the Bible we see and learn about many people who suffer with many different battles. Some physical, some emotional, and some spiritual; but there all battles that they had to face.

Today not only my husband, or my family, but I also had to face the second worst day of my life. As many of you know a month ago today our son received his heavenly wings. Or as my husband says, “It’s when he  took his first breath in heaven.”  It’s not easy knowing that time is not stopping and life is still moving forward; no matter how much I want it to stand still for a moment. It’s literally a battle everyday.

For Mom’s, Dad’s, Grandparents, and others  like us struggle with battles you don’t see and we struggle to keep your head above the water.  If you don’t think the Devil is real, here’s a news flash for you: He is. He is just as real as you and I; and God. The devil will tell you everything you know as a Christian isn’t true. He will play on every weakness you have and twist it some more. He will tell you that your not good enough, that it’s all your fault. He will make you believe things that you never in your life would have thought of before. How do I know? I battle against him daily. My family battles against him daily. My husband battles against him daily. He will make you feel horrible and he wants to keep you there.

I know what your thinking right now. “That family is so strong. They are so brave. Y’all are an inspiration…” Listen I wouldn’t look very inspirational if you seen me in a battle. If you knew the tears I’ve cried, the prayers I’ve prayed, the sleepless nights I’ve spent. You wouldn’t think of me as brave then. The truth is I’m weak. I’m broken. I’m hurting. I read once that sometimes God breaks us to let his light shine through us so the world will come to know and see him through us.

I’m reminded of so many women in the Bible who had to face things and give up things to serve God. Mary not only had to trust God to bring Jesus into the world, but she also had to watch him die. Hannah battled with infertility; and then gave her first born son back to God. Esther had to save her people. We call her brave, and all the other women brave, but now that I’m in my own battle I understand. There’s no other way, but to do what you have to do. There’s no other choice.

Esther 4:14 says, “Perhaps this is the moment you were created for.”. As hard as that is to imagine, God has a plan for you and your life. You may just being fighting this battle to show someone else Jesus. It’s not fun. Believe me it’s not always fair, but he never fails us. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you sayth the Lord. Plans of good and not evil, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Walking today I was reminded of power. We sing about it; “There is power in the blood power in the blood”, or maybe you’ve sang, “There is power in the name of Jesus. There is power-power in his name.”. This power is what the Bible tells us we have as followers of Christ. The power to beat the devil. The power we forget we have. The power we underestimate…yet we sing about…but do we actually believe it?

Literally just saying the name of Jesus, we can win every fight… but we’re selfish, forgetful, scared, lacking faith kind of people. As I was on this “Power Walk”, a song hit me that I was listening to. One that I’ve known and sang at church camps, college, etc. One that I know some of you know. It’s called “Our God.” (If you haven’t heard it google it after this.) There is a part that says, “If Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?”. It hit me hard. If God can heal the blind, raise the dead, comfort the broken, cast out demons, save Mose and his people, die on the cross and then come back in three days from the dead- why do I think he can’t help fight my battles? What am I afraid of? What’s holding me back from having faith in him….and then I realized it’s me. He never said he wouldn’t fight for me…it’s just that I didn’t ask for him too….

You see; I’ve prayed for him to help me fight, to do this and do that. I’ve asked what I’ve done or what I need to do- and he spoke “Be Still.”. I fought with him and yelled at him. I’ve told him what I think should have or still should happen. I’ve been angry at him and jealous of him. I’ve done all the things I was suppose to do, BUT be still and let him fight like he asked me to do…. “Be Still….” “Be Still….” Have you ever tried that? It’s not easy.

What I’m realizing is that sometimes he places us in battles that we CAN’T win; so we can see what He CAN do. Is it easy? No- Never is. Everyday I wake up and I have to remind myself that God is on my side. I have to literally die to myself to give him my all so he can heal my wounds. Every soldier gets wounded, but the difference is we as Christians know the Healer.

I’m not out of the fight yet. I get knocked down. Some days I can get up and fight back. Some days I feel like I’m out for the count… If I didn’t have God, my husband, my family, friends (that God has placed in my life since this & who are going through the same battles)- I wouldn’t be able to make it. So yeah maybe you see a warrior… But I see a broken heart struggling every day to beat…

Don’t look at me as say, “She’s an inspiration.”- Look at me and see God fighting my battles. If he can do this for me and my family, he can do this for you. No matter how big or small, we are all called to be warriors for Christ. We have to allow him to fight for us and we have to put on the armor of God.  It’s your choice. You have to choose everyday. You can keep allowing the devil to kick you, steal everything you have, and tell you lies. Or you can call upon the name of Jesus and let him win your fight. What’s it going to be? It’s not easy, but I guess being a warrior never is.

Hope this helps,

~Marli