Do you believe?

Many times in life we are hit with hard things. God takes those “hard times” and helps them become more. The Bible is full of theses incidences. He can take broken things and make them better, because God is never broken. People may crumble, friendships may break, but God stays the same. However, we often times are asked by God, “Do you believe?”. Maybe your like Paul and you say “of course God”, and maybe he tells you to “feed his sheep”. Why is this question so huge?

In Matthew 9:27-30 , there is a story about two blind men. Reading it this morning, I noticed something that I’ve over looked for years. A simple sentence that holds so much meaning.

“Do you believe that I am able to do that?” (Vs.28)

You see these two men followed Jesus begging him to heal their eyes so they could see. Jesus asked them that one simple question. They answered “yes” and he healed them because of their faith: “(vs. 29) According to your faith let it be to you.” .

Isn’t their story in line with our own? How many times have you prayed to God or begged God to hear you. To understand your pain. To heal you from hurt, heartache, sorrow, or tears. How many times have you prayed the same prayer thinking maybe God has put you on the back burner and forgotten about you? How many trails and tests have you walked, sat, or crawled through to get where you are today? And how many times did you want to give up, because you felt like your hope ran out and your faith is soon to follow?

Maybe God is asking you:

“Do you believe I can do this?”.

Do you believe I, God of the universe; who created you fearfully & wonderfully, who knows your greatest fears-hurts-dreams-& loves; can do what you are asking me to do? Do you believe with everything you have left? Do you believe that I can touch you and you be healed? Do you think I can actually do the biggest things you pray for ? Or do you still want to hold on to your own will so much that your not willing to lay it down in front of me & say “I trust you”.

I will admit this part of faith isn’t easy… Trusting God with the very things that you hold so dear to you isn’t easy. Laying your wants, fears, dreams, and more down at his feet and saying “Ok God here I am. I believe in you.” Is not easy. We are broken people. We are often blinded in this world just like those men. We are walking around begging God for sight, but maybe when he asks us that one question- we are hesitant.

What is keeping you from saying “Yes God I believe!”. What is holding you back? For me it was fear. I have already sacrificed so much already. I’ve already had to hand our son back to God and trust that this was his will. I had to then trust that God would have this sorrow and bring joy like his word promises. Then I prayed. I felt like I pray the same prayers, but he still listens. To be honest there and days, months, and even years I felt like he had left me in the dark and forgotten about me. There are things he said to write about that are to painful, songs he wanted me to sing that I felt I couldn’t, and moments he pushed me out of my comfort zone into situations that made me grow, but I still am like those blind men…. Begging God to hear me, see me, heal me. I too had to answer his question.

“Yes God I believe.”

And like those blind men who were healed, I too am waiting. Waiting for my miracle… Until then, I will choose to say “I believe”.

Thank you for reading. I hope it helped you today! If it did write a comment and let me know . I would love to hear back from you or even pray for you.

Have a wonderful day!

Marli

-Angel Mom to Rhett Alec

Gracefully Broken

Today as I was taking down my Christmas tree, (Finally), I broke an important ornament to me. My first “Mom” ornament.

It may not seem like much to others, but that was my first Christmas “Mom” label. It was my first Christmas ornament I put on our tree, (along with Shawn’s 1st Dad ornament), before Rhett was born. So to have it shatter in the box while I was being so careful with it brought me to tears.

As I say at my kitchen table looking at the pieces, trying to see if I could “fix it”. I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn’t. I would have to “toss it away” and have it as only a memory.

Then an idea can to me. Take the broken pieces and place them inside an empty clear ornament I had left over from the year before.

So as I tried to patiently place the small white “snow like” styrofoam balls into its “new” home, it became difficult. They seemed to “run away” each time I tried to pry them from their plastic box.

That’s when God said, “See how they flew in other directions like their scared to go to their new home? They cannot see where you going to put them or what your going to do with them, & you do that too.”

Sitting there at the table, I looked down at these little styrofoam balls amazed. It took something so small to make me see a lager picture…

I was holding on to a “Label”. A “Label” the world sometimes doesn’t recognize. A “label” others think I cannot carry anymore since my child is no longer on Earth. A “label” I cherish, yet brings me great pain. What “label” does God have for me? Am I more than my “label”?

Yes I am a Mom. I am a Wife. A daughter. A sister. A Friend. To God I am more than my “labels”. He sees through them. He sees so much more than what the world “thinks” I am. He sees a warrior, with scars, and baggage. God sees the bigger picture. Yet, I am like the styrofoam. Clinging to the sides of my “use to be” home. Clinging onto “labels” that pain and cherish. God wants to move me from one place to another. With joy, peace, & happiness. I hold him back at times when I run. Unlike myself, he’s patiently waiting on me to sit still so he can pick up one piece at a time.

Sometimes I still try to take control & I get scared when I can’t see the end. If I stop and look back, I can see the mountains Hod has brought me over. The valleys he’s brought me through. The oceans he’s helped me swim. Even though I cry and have fears and hurts, he is still paving my path.

Yes, I have been through “huge, painful,” battles. Yes, I do see myself as a warrior, because I know if I would have laid down and gave up – who knows where I may be…

This hurts. This journey hurts. Life hurts…but in pain there is beauty. I have seen it in the mist of a raging hurricane. And when a hurricane hits land, the eye of it is calm. That is how God is in our storms. We just have to hold on through the winds, rain, & “labels”: in order to get to the all seeing eye; God himself.

This June will be 2 years. Rhett will be 2. And I often think back to the days before he was born and smile with joy, but I know the end the story,(on earth), and it still pains me. God says this is just the “middle” of the story! The end is heaven. Until then we have to survive between the “two gardens” on earth.

(***Lysa TerKeurst has a book called “it wasn’t suppose to be this way” & talks about the two gardens. Check her book out.***)

In all the shatter pieces of my life. My world has crumbled into a zillion tiny pieces. I’ve had to lay dreams down & cry tears I never knew I would have too. I have felt my heart literally crumble within my chest and the breath in my lungs stop. Even though I cannot see Gods big plan, I have to stop and thank him for picking me up.

Picking me up at his feet, because he has made me “Gracefully Broken”.

Have a blessed day.

Marli Wright

– Angel Mom to Rhett Alec-

Holding on in 2019

“A new year & a new you!” “This is my year to take back myself!” “I’m going to shed the weight, go for that dream, ask for a promotion!”

We all have heard the “Nee Year” Resolutions, but most of the time in about a month they too fissile out. The gyms will slow down, the dreams will become smaller, & soon summer will be here.

But for those who suffer from loss, we think: “Another year already? It seems like I’m still trapped in 2017. It cannot be 2019…” Maybe your like me & you wonder “how”?

Last year I wrote a blog about my resolutions. How it was going to be “my year”! How I was going to hope more worry less. How I was going to let go and let God! (You know all those Christian bumper sticker sayings.) To some degree I did those things, but in other I failed…

No we did not receive our rainbow.

No we did not hear news we wanted to hear.

We had to suffer all the holidays all over again without our Rhett.

We had to feel the pain of the unknown and the what if’s like they were just here yesterday.

The new year isn’t always “great” for some. Maybe you too know the pain…

Most of you know our story. Most of you know about our special Rhett Alec ❤️. Most of you know I have PCOS and everything that is easy for one woman is difficult for me. Medicines, emotions, this road can become hopeless very easily. That’s what grief does. It takes your joy, places it in a blender, and poof it’s gone. Al your left with is a smoothie of emotions and they don’t taste pleasing through a straw…

This Christmas, I have a friend that gave me a very special gift. She too is an angel Mom and her friendship to me is very dear to my heart. She gave me a necklace with Rhett’s name on it, but on the back it had Psalms 46:5.

Psalms is a book I enjoy, but I could not remember this verse to save my life – so one morning, I opened my bible to find a verse I needed to describe my journey thus far.

“God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her, at break of day.” -NIV

Some versions say “God is with her”, I like this one instead.

“God is WITHIN her, she will NOT fall.”

That alone brought me to tears. I was at the end of “my” hope and I was wondering if I would become hopeless again. Then I read this. God is not only with me, but for me, protecting me, guiding me, holding me, but his strength & hope is within me. So with that said I cannot fall spiritually. I cannot fall even though I feel I failed every resolution I made. Those are “my plans, my wishes for the year”. God sees a different picture.

“God will help her, at break of day.”

Not only did God say he’s with me, but he gave me a time when he would meet up with me and help me. “Break of Day”. Or in other words “Morning”. God will meet me every morning, IF I choose to meet him there. He will show up, but I have to show up too. He will help me get through hard days. Looking back he’s already rescued me drowning deep roaring waters, the valley of the shadow of death, deep deep dark grief, and he leads me now even when I feel like there is no more light on my life- he’s still there. Every morning like clock work, the sun rises and God is waiting on me to say- “Hey, I’m here.”.

This year may not be my “year”. I don’t know what this eat will even hold. God does. He allowed me (in 2018) to send 10-12 Rhett boxes to hurting families who lost a child as well, so they may can know God’s healing. He’s allowed me to share my story a time or two to complete strangers. So 2019 May hold bigger things than my mind can dream of right now. I have to hold on to hope that God will and does know the desires of my heart and will provide those things. Not because I’m worthy, but because in 2018 I finally grasped the meaning of his love. It has shown me new things. God has shown me I can be a spiritual warrior and be quiet as well. He’s shown me this through his love.

So maybe you too feel hopeless going into 2019. Let me tell you God hasn’t forgotten you. He knows exactly where you are. He knows your situation, desires, needs – & he hears them.

This year I’m working on the “bitter” parts of me & trying to let God turn them in “better” parts.

And like Lecrae sings in his song: “I’ll find you” – I’ll leave you with this.

“Just fight a little longer my friend
It’s all worth it in the end
But, when you’ve got nobody to turn to
Just hold on, and I’ll find you

We choose to fight every moment in our grief stricken road, but if we meet God every morning- He’ll find you & show you the worth in the end.

*****************************************Prayers for a wonderful 2019. What are some of your resolutions? Comment them below!

Pray for families who have lost love ones & above all be kind!

Thank y’all so much for reading,

– Marli Wright

(Angel Mom to Rhett Alec)

Stop “Resisting” “Rest”

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Do you need “REST” are you “TIRED”?

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Matthew 11:28 says

“Come to me, all who are weary & burdened, & I will give you rest.”

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If you read this verse as a letter from God to you, it would read like this:

“Come to me. You are weary & burdened. I will help you rest.”

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The only thing hindering us from resting is us.

R-E-S-T : Rest is what we ask for, long for, dream of; but most of the time we never truly rest. We may sit for awhile, but our muscles are still tense, our hearts heavy, and minds running around.

R-E-S-I-S-T: Resist is what we mainly do, especially if it means we have to sit down. Children resist naps and bedtimes everyday, every hour, every second of the day. They hate to sit down and take a nap even if their eyes are heavy- they fight each moment of “rest.”

Just like toddlers, we are Gods children. And like children we “resist” Gods “Rest”. We fight our sleep and throw a fit. We want rest but we don’t want to set down and take a break like God tells us we so desperately need. Just as a mother would try to explain to her child that they need their nap, they do not understand and fit it anyways. We too do not understand at times that we need a “nap time” and a break just sitting with God.

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When Rest & Resist are looked at the only letter that’s different between them is the ( I ) . I, myself, & whom ever reading this:

I must put myself aside and let God give me rest . I cannot give myself rest. I cannot lift these burdens. I cannot fix my own broken heart. I cannot see tomorrow. So if we stop resisting- and take out the ( I ), God will step in and give us the rest- we asked for.

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With that being said, I want to talk to you about a small person in the Bible I read about that most of the time gets over looked. This man is found in Judges 3:31 & his name is Shamgar.

” After him was Shamgar the son of Anath, who killed six hundred men of the Philistines with an ox goad; & he also delivered Israel.” Judges 3:31

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t know about this guy. Who is he? Why is this mentioned and what does this guy have to do with “rest in God”.

As I was reading my devotional this morning (Embraced by Lysa Terkeurst), this verse was talked about. I opened my bible and sure enough- there was Shamgar. A small sliver in the Bible. Nothing huge, nothing more said.

Shamgar was a farmer. He wasn’t a mighty warrior, yet he was mentioned in the Bible & without him, At the time Israel would have fallen from what I understand. Shamgar also wasn’t a person who probably treated right in his lifetime. He was half Gentile and half Jew. His name is also Canaanite and not Hebrew, but that didn’t stop God from using him.

There isn’t anything “great” about Shamgar. He is an ordinary

Hard working guy just tending to his Cows or sheep, but what got to me isn’t what is written in the pages of the Bible-but what God showed me through this small verse.

In the world there will be “big” names that pass through. You may feel overwhelmed, overlooked, and overworked often in life. We take on burdens that we are not designed for and we run ourselves ragged. Shamgar probably did that as well. There was a war near his home, you don’t think he was scared from time to time? Stressed out? Worried? He was human, but Shamgar let God use him. He stopped “Resisting” and “Rested” in the fact that God is God and he can and will carry him- even through a war.

So picture this:

Shamgar (the farmer) just out and about doing his daily chores. Feeding cows, tending to the house work, etc and 600 Philistine soldiers surrounded your place…. I would probably panic, but Shamgar prepared for that day. Yet he fought all of them with an “ox goad” or other words “cattle prod”.

Shamgar defeated, 600 soldiers who came with swords – but he won with a cattle prod? Talk about trusting God! You see all of their weapons had been taken away so Shamgar took his cattle prod and sharpened it like God told him too.

Shamgar probably didn’t think what he was doing was very important or interesting, especially because he was a “nobody” to the world – so he thought. God sees us, even if we are tending to our farms, tending to our housework, tending to children, or anything your doing. He is preparing you daily for a battle you may have to fight with a cattle prod….

Shamgar also delivered Israel that day. He saved the day! A small battle- one man verses 600 delivered Israel.

This small verse is a reminder of what God can do. Spiritual you maybe surrounded by 600 things that are trying to defeat you and you do not think you have any weapons to defeat them, but you do… If Shamgar can use a cattle prod & Hod can use that to deliver a nation; he can defeat anything your coming up against. You have to stop “resisting” his “rest” and step aside for this to work. If Shamgar would have resisted God’s rest he may have been killed. Rest is crucial in life, but if your not getting rest from God- you too may be defeated spiritual & even physically.

You may think your a “nobody”, but God sees you. You may not leave a huge mark on this world, but even the tiniest footprint leaves a big impact. Stop resisting and start resting.

Thank you & have a wonderful day,

Marli

Angel Mom to Rhett Alec

God is good? All the time?

We’ve heard the phrase, “God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.”

What do you do when you don’t feel like God is being good ? Especially not all the time!?

If we were honest with ourselves and the world, we would say that we do not feel good about God all the time… I know as a Christian I’m not suppose to say that. In reality there is times I feel bitter, angry, hurt, and even jealous. I especially don’t feel good towards God at times. So why does this phrase bother me so much, you may wonder. Let me explain.

A few weeks back I mustered up the courage to get out into the church world again and socialize. This may not be a big step to most people, but after walking in grief; small times like this is a huge accomplishment. I still struggle with anxiety of crowds, others children at times, questions that maybe asked and throw me off guard, and even comments that I may not know how to handle. So I signed up to go to the church fundraiser brunch. The speaker quoted this quote, “God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.” As I sat there listing to everyone repeat the phrase, I realized I couldn’t say that. Instead I found myself questioning the goodness of God himself…

Pushing this back to the dark corners of my mind, I tried to deny my feelings about this phase. I tried to hide how I truly felt from God himself… Days passed and more overwhelming feeling built upon feelings I had pushed asides and tried to hide, just fueling my fire. I soon became so bitter I refused to let them go and questioned God and my faith even more. Finally one day I became so mad that I blurred out to God, “If your “sooo” good all the time and you know desires & needs of our hearts, why are you allowing me to suffer and hurt so badly? What’s good about that?” One would think that blowing off steam would make you feel better, but when your mad at God it just makes you even more mad when you don’t get an answer…

Then November hit… The beginning of a month of thankfulness and grateful quotes floating around on social media… This just fanned the flames even more. What do I possibly have to be thankful for? So like an angry teenager, I slammed my spiritual door on God and went to hide and cry. Hurt, angry, and confused I hid. I hid from my feelings. I hid from the wounds I cannot hide. I hid from my world that has crumbled and will never be the same. I hid from my family and friends. I hid, because although I wanted comfort, I didn’t want to be comforted… I just wanted to be mad for awhile.

So then it brings me to the now….

God is good, all the time. All the time? God is good? – Yes. Here’s how I know…

In my act of rage, God knew I was hurting. Instead of fighting with me, telling me how wrong I was- he let me be…. Instead of trying to put out my “flames”. He let my fire burn out. And when the time was right, he gently came in , slowly opened my spiritual door & asked , “Are you done yet?” .

You see it took a simple quote that sent me overboard for me to see clearly again. It also took a simple song to remind me that even if I’m a broken, shattered, or an angry mess- he still loves me & will put me back together again. We are just beautiful messes.

That is why God is good. Although we question him, he doesn’t leave. The Bible is also is written about people feeling things just like I am writing about if you stop and think about it. The Bible isn’t written about people who are happy all the time with no worries, or fears, or hurts. It’s written about people who have lost children, struggled in life, are angry, confused, hurting, are sick and dying. It’s written about people like me who let one simple phrase rock their world, but also how they allowed God to show them goodness in pain, light in the darkness, strength in weakness, and life in death.

So yeah, I was and can be a bitter Christian at times. I still ask God Why my son was chosen to die? I still question his mercy at times & if he is sending me to voicemail. I’m not a perfect Christian, but neither was Hannah, Sarah, Mary, Peter, or Paul. They all cried out to God in fear, pain, anger, anxiety, and other feelings I could write about all day. So why are we trying to hide them when we really are breaking inside? Why do we try to act “together” when we clearly are not? It’s time we take off our church masks and start talking about our real problems. Pain is real, but God is a “pain reliever” . Just like a Tylenol, you have to be willing to open the “bottle” and “take as needed for pain”… God is the same way… You have to be willing to open your “bible” & “take as needed for pain”. He’s not going to punish you for having feelings, but we are scared of God. We are scared to be bold in pray and talk to him about how we feel. We think we have to say cute prayers and feel good things to make God happy, but actually it’s the opposite. Sometimes all I can get out to say is – nothing. Sometimes all I can do is cry. But God would rather have tears & peaceful silence in his presence then fake emotions.

So if you too are questioning Gods goodness, your not alone… Trials in the life are hard. It’s been a year and 5 months since I lost my son, and everyday I am shocked about feelings I have. I grieve still and will always grieve because of the love I have for my son. God knows this. God, I believe, does not hate me for that- he just wants me to run to him instead of my spiritual bedroom and hid. I know deep in my heart that God has a plan for me. I just may not always agree on his timing or ways, but that’s ok. I’m learning patience, I suppose. And as long as God will lead me- I’ll be ok…

-Marli Wright-

(Angel Mom to Rhett Alec)

Ripping up my life script

I listened to a preacher today, which I will link at the bottom of this blog, about the “Movie in my Mind”. He focused on the story of Mary & Martha; which to be honest I found funny.

You see I remember as a kid, (me being the oldest and all), always feeling for Martha. I was a church junior counselor for my church’s little kid campers at KBA Church Camp. They too preach on Mary & Martha. I remember Mrs. Betty placing her hand on my shoulder and smiling at me when she said, “We too have a Mary & Martha in our group.”. She of course was insinuating that I was the Martha & my sister, who was one of the campers, was the Mary. This was one of the first thoughts I envisioned in my head when the preacher started preaching this sermon.

Most of the time preachers say not to be caught up like Martha, but learn to sit like Mary. Which at times we all need to do, but this preacher told us how in life we need Martha’s. Which for once in my life I liked. After listening and realizing how true that statement was; he went on about how Martha was trying to play the director, editor, and act – all in the same scene of her own life. This hit me.

As a photographer, a videographer, & a writer, I have to make shots happen & story lines appear. I have to envision scenes to make the story line come together smoothly. I have to make people feel comfortable in a photo and capture their personality. I have to make sure my writing is understandable & relatable….but my down fall is I try to do the same in my spiritual life as well.

Like Martha she told Jesus to make her sister help her. We all know Jesus told Martha “No. That what she was doing is fine and she too should be like Mary.” Which we all know made Martha mad. Later on she called for Jesus when her brother was sick to heal him & Jesus showed up 4 days late. Which made Martha mad again & she probably met him in town and told him about all the way home.

I too have been Martha a lot in life, I mean looking back I can see what Mrs. Betty seen. In my spiritual walk I have looked at God and said, “Why aren’t we in scene 1 act 5?” “Why aren’t you showing me reasons why?” “Why did you heal all the children in the Bible, but when I called out to you to heal mine you let him die….” “Why me?” “Why aren’t we sticking to the script?” “Don’t you love me? Don’t you care?”

You see God never wanted us to try to be director, editor, or writer of our own stories. God does love & care for us. He does see us when we cry & hurt. He even healed Martha’s brother 4 days after him being dead. And when you hear about Mary & Martha again for the last time, it said “She served Jesus.” Meaning she did it this time with the right heart. Working & Worshiping.

Sometimes we forget about where God has lead us from and where he is trying to take us. We act like little kids asking over & over “Are we there yet?”, instead of actually enjoying the moment of being in the car with God. That’s all he wants.

So as I sit here. I think back. God did heal my son, Rhett. Just not how I wrote it in the script. God did bring me out of deep deep grief waters and lead me beside the Still waters. God did heal my sorrow & at times I feel joy & I don’t know how. He has giving me a peace that I can’t even write about, because there are no words for it. God has giving me a husband that puts up with my emotional ups & downs. A family & In-Laws that love me through it all. He’s giving me the ability to write, because he knows there is someone out there like me o who need to hear this too. And although this isn’t the story I wrote for my life, it’s God’s. So it’s time I rip up my script for my life, stop trying to make God fit into my scene and just be. Sometimes I too have to be told to “Be Still & let God.”.

It’s ok to have to work & do for others, but remember God sometimes needs you to stop. He needs you to just be you. He didn’t make anyone else like you. He doesn’t have another actor in the story that is coming to steal your lines. Sometimes grief, loss, hurt, & pain is in the story. It’s what that’s written after that is what God is trying to show you, (me).

So if your a Martha like me, don’t be upset about it. God needs Martha’s just like he needs Mary’s. Just tear up your script you think you have written for your life. I can guarantee that is not what’s going to happen. They say “Life happens”- but I really think it should be “God happens.”

Thank you for reading this blog. I hope your enjoyed it. Here at the bottom is the link to the preacher I heard today. I hope you can take an hour and listen to it. You will understand the blog even better, but God may even tell you something you need to hear.

https://elevationchurch.org/sermons/the-movie-in-my-mind/

Have a blessed day.

-Marli Wright

Angel Mom to Rhett Alec ❤️

I’m ok …

We hear it everyday. We ask people how they are and most of them time we hear, “fine.” or “Ok.”. Do we really hear what they are saying though? Do we take the time to watch their faces as they exhale and try to find the breath to utter the words “ok.”? I can remember times in my life I have and had felt this way. It feels just like yesterday in ways; and in others I feel like it every second.

After the loss of our son, I could not fathom how I could function in life ever again. A piece of me was buried June 15th, but a piece of me passed on 3 days earlier. I would wake up, lie in bed for hours; tears streaming down my face not knowing what to do but ask God why. When I would muster the strength up to get up, I would walk to the table and sit down in front of my bible trying to come up with 3 things to be thankful for… Do you know how hard that is? It seems simple, but when your world is crushed, your baby taken away from you, and your heart ripped out- all you see is darkness. I would write daily at least one sentence or word. Most of the time is was, “Why Me God?”.

When I did “get out” people would ask me- “How are you?”. I know they only did it out of love, but I didn’t know how to reply. It took all I had in me to scramble a smile and reply with , “Ok”. I wanted to tell them, “I’m broken. I’m broken in a million pieces. I’m shattered. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I want to cry right now but I’m in a Walmart check out. I’m trying to pull myself together. I’m broken can’t you see?” – But all of that came out as “Ok.”

One day as I was reading, God asked me “How are you?” I replied “Ok.”

So God asked again.

“I asked How are you.”

– “I’m ok.”

God asked me again. This time he added, “I’m a big God. I am strong enough to hear what you have to say. So how are you?”

It hit me finally like a ton of bricks. With God I don’t have to hide behind an “ok.” With God I can tell him “I feel broken.”

It’s been a year and three months since I laid eyes on Rhett. It’s been a year and three months since I held his hand, held him in my arms, & sang to him with him physically here. Sometimes I stop and think “How have I made it through all the OKs?”.

Then I’m reminded of a verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 that says,

 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

When I am weak, then I am strong…. It hits me every time.

See God has taken my lowest point in my life and he has shown me that through pain, I can walk again because of his strength. I am broken still. There are days I still cannot get up out of bed. There are days I dread the tomorrows- But I know who holds them in his hands. There’s a song that reminds me of just that.

I know who holds Tomorrow:

“I don’t know about tomorrow,

I just live from day to day.

And I don’t borrow from the sunshine

‘Cause the skies might turn to gray.

And I don’t worry about the future,

‘Cause I know what Jesus said,

And today I’m gonna walk right beside him

‘Cause he’s the one who knows what is ahead.

There are things about tomorrow

That I don’t seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand.

And each step is getting brighter

As the golden stairs I climb.

And every burden is getting lighter

And all the clouds, they’re silver lined.

And, I’ll bet the sun it’s always shining

There no tears will ever dim the eye

And the ending of the rainbow

Where the mountains, they touch the sky.

There are many things about tomorrow

I don’t seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand.”

Maybe you too are fighting for air when someone asks you how you are. Maybe your battle is too much. Your broken, you feel weak, and you want to give up. I pray that you look to the one who holds all the Tomorrows. Look to the one who knew this moment would come. Remember he can bring peace I can’t even bring to describe. God is the only way I have made it this far. He lets me know I’m not alone and though I feel broken, he can still make me strong. Turn to Jesus. Loosing a child is not what I had in mind when I pictured my life, but then again I was trying to plan my future. It’s not the path I wanted… but I would go back a year & three months and do it all again to live 13 hours with Rhett again. God knew that. God knew I would be here. Don’t be afraid to tell God how you really feel, just remember all you have to do is “Be Still and Let God.”

-Marli Wright

Angel Mom to Rhett Alec ❤️

Protected by God

Often times I’m told that I inspire others. And on a day like today, (my birthday): I am flooded with texts, messages, gifts, calls, and compliments. As I enjoy each humbling one, I have a feeling to share that it’s not me who is inspiring you or others. It’s God. God guises me to write. He guides me to sing. He guides me to be who I am. Although I am not perfect, I strive to be Christ like and that’s all he asks of us.

As I turn 26, I think about what I have had to walk through in my short live span. I can think back to the “easy times” in my Christian walk. I can remember sitting in Sunday school soaking up knowledge from those who have walked the walk ahead of me telling me there would be trials. That there would be times that life would get “Hard”. I never imagined these trials would come. I can remember a time where I thought that I would never be shaken….

I was wrong.

Fast forward to graduating college, getting married, and having a our sweet son, Rhett. I thought I had it all laid out in front of me. I prayed for it all. I prayed for our marriage and for us to graduate. I prayed for our son to be ours and his life I thought we had ahead of us… God knew however my plans would be different.

He knew on August of 1992, that I would be named Marli. He knew I would grow up and marry Shawn. He knew that I would suffer the loss of our Son Rhett and I would be shaken. He knew that when I was 18 I would go to a college that would challenge me spiritual so I would have to learn his voice. He knew I would face battles that I cannot understand. He knew that six months after losing my son I would loose a best friend, Erin. He knew I wouldn’t understand and that I would be angry with him. He also knew that I would be here writing a blog that you are reading now, and would call me “inspirational.”. He knew everything about me. Yet he knew that I would have emotional break downs on him at times, and stop speaking to him- Yet he still loves me enough to run to me when I cry out to him.

Although I have faced many trials, been shaken to the core, and had times I where I was angry- he knew that I was his. You see, God never leaves. He never forgot me. He never told me my that my tears and feelings were bad. He never told me to shake it off and get over it. God simply let me cry on his big shoulders and he held me.

I’m telling you this today, because I feel like someone out there is hurting. Someone thinks God has forgotten them and left them to grieve alone. It’s not true. God hears you and sees you. I know this feeling because the devil has told me “God isn’t listening because he’s busy.”. “God doesn’t want to hear your thoughts.” “God is tired of your tears.” And at times I have let the devil talk me into these ideas. But God never leaves. In fact he loves you so much he wants you to cry out to him. He wants you to be his child and repent. He wants to save you from your hurt, your pain, your sin, your situation. God want to have his Angels come down and surround you and fight your battles. There is a spiritual battle going on around us, yet God will protect us.

I know what the next question that is in your mind. “If God protects you, why did your son have to die?”. This question is one I have asked God about many times. And if you ask he will tell you. John 10:10 says “The enemy comes to kill, steal, & destroy. But I have come to give you life, and give it more abundantly.” Good Christians get hurt too. Good people have bad things happen and sometimes it has nothing to do with, “what you have done.”. I don’t know what your going through right now, but I pray tonight you let it go. I pray you call out to God and asking him to put his angel army around you. The devil may have came into your house and destroyed it, but I know a contractor who can rebuild your home ten times better, stronger, & nicer than you can ever imagine. Sometimes it hurts. Tell him about it. Some days the tears won’t stop flowing, cry out to him. Sometimes your angry, let him know why. God isn’t fragile. God can handle us at our worst. He wants you change your life!

I can say that I am thankful that God has been there with me through everything. I may have ran and hid from him a time or two, but he still knew where I was and sat patiently for me to come to him. I am thankful that I am saved, and one day soon I too will get to sing along side the angels who have fought for me. I will be reunited with my son, and I will never have to say goodbye. Tonight can you say that you would meet me there too? I pray the answer is yes…But if you don’t know, I have some info here that you can say “yes”.

God will protect you. I’m glad I am Gods.

– Marli Wright

Angel Mom to Rhett

– Admit that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.- Romans 3:23

Basically it’s meaning that we all have failed some how in life. He have sinned : told a lie, stole a piece of candy, some something we knew we shouldn’t have. Admit we are not perfect

-Ask God to forgive us of our impurities. Make us clean. John 1:9 “If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins.”-

– Ask & Believe, God to save you from your sins. That you believe that he is Jesus. That he died on the Cross for your sins. That he does but defeated death on the third day and he is in heaven now.- Romans 10:9 “If you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

– Trust and Tell: Trust that Jesus can lead your life. That he knows all and can show you the way. Trust that he won’t leave you and that he loves you very much. Trust that he sent his son for you, even if you were the only one on earth. John 3:16.

Tell: tell someone that you ask God into your heart and made a change. Tell a friend, me, a pastor etc. Don’t hide this news. God says is we deny him to the world he will deny us. So tell someone! Shout it to the world.

“But now that you have been set free from sin, the benefit you will reap is holiness, and the results eternal life.” Romans 6:22

If you don’t know how to pray, let me explain. You don’t have to say a fancy prayer. Just talk to God as you talk on the phone. If you need help, ask someone. Just tell God what you feel. That you want to be saved. Once you get going it gets easier every time.

Christians: I challenge you to pray for someone, anyone, but especially someone who may read this. Pray that they will call upon God. Our jobs are not done once we get saved. We need to pray for others. If you know someone who’s hurting lift them up. Share this post to them, or simply let them know that God and his army is fighting for them. That God does love them and they are not alone.

We need to pray. Don’t stop when it gets easy, pray A.S.A.P. – (Always Say A Prayer).

-Marli

In Awe if God

“Who puts the salt in when it gets to the sea?”

Such a simple lyric from a song I sang as a kid, (song title: It’s a miracle), that still has so much meaning to this day.

As we sat in sand Sunday in New Jersey, Cape May; I couldn’t help but to think of this song. The tide was rolling in and out so smoothly. It stopped on certain parts the sand as instructed. Then I started singing the song over again:

“Who tells the ocean where to stop on the sand? It’s a miracle! It’s a miracle.”

The longer I sat there the more in awe I became. God made this for me to enjoy in that day and time. Every single wave, shell, bird, and creature there. Then I looked at the sand and held it in my hand. Each tiny individual piece slipped through my fingers. Too many to count. Then I began to think of Abraham when God told him:

“I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Genesis 22:17”

Abraham didn’t know the land he was traveling too, just as I didn’t know Pennsylvania or New Jersey- but he went. He went and did what God told him to do. He had troubles and trails and hurts in his life, but he still listened and loved God.

As I sat there on the shore I thought of my life. I was like this sand. I couldn’t grasp it all. I couldn’t count every piece. I didn’t know how deep or shallow the beach was or how many zillions of pieces were laying there beside me, but God does.

I then remembered talking to my husband a year ago after Rhett had passed about pearls. I had always loved pearls for some reason. Each one always had a different size, shape, and color. Kind of like people today. Shawn reminded me that in order for a pearl to form, a piece of sand has to help form a pearl, but the oyster has to die before it’s beautiful pearl can be seen to the world.

I remember crying that day about that. Rhett’s birthday is in June and a pearl is a jewel at times that symbolizes it. Rhett is my pearl.

As I sat in the beach I thought of this. I thought of how a tiny piece of sand formed such a beautiful pearl. I also thought of that oyster. That oyster is me. God placed a piece of sand in my life that would turn into a pearl later. Most people never have to be broken in life. And if I was honest at times I’m jealous of that, but I have a pearl and they don’t. I had to have a piece of myself die the day I lost Rhett. Like the oyster my heart was cracked open and broken in to in order to find the pearl.

Now a year later, I sit online the shore admiring my pearl. I can never be fully put back together. Although I may can close the wound at times, it will always open back up when I least expect it to.

Then I looked over to my right and saw a beautiful tall & sturdy, lighthouse. I just climbed all 204 steps of it and stood on its pier allowing the wind to whip my hair back and forth, feeling every part of creation. I could feel the salt from the ocean in the breeze and the coolness surrounding me. It was as if I were standing in God’s shoulders.

He describes himself as a lighthouse in the darknesses. The lighthouse shines the brightest at night, telling all who is coming to shore to be cautious. Then I think back a year ago when the storms of life were ripping off my sails. I couldn’t see the shore. I could not see if I was about to wreck or be tossed about again. I could not see if God was there….

But then I seen the lighthouse. Each beam showed me God Still cared. Each beam showed me that he would direct me to the shore. He brought me out of the darkest place imaginable, and allowed me to stand upon his shoulders so I could see…

I had to walk along ways up,(more than 204 steps), but each step brought me closer to his peace. Yes, I had to stop along the way and ask if I could make it!

He never failed. He was sturdy and strong. I did not have to worry if I would be shaken again, because he would not be moved.

Along the drive to New Jersey, (Sunday 2018), I began to think of another song when I awoke that morning. “My lighthouse” by: Rend Collective. We sang the verse over and over that day, and even sang it in front of the lighthouse itself. It goes like this.

“My lighthouse, my lighthouse

Shining in the darkness. I will follow You

My lighthouse, my lighthouse

I will trust the promise

You will carry me safe to shore.”

So no matter what storm of life your in. This trail will make you or break you. Each trail you face isn’t always a punishment. Sometimes you just have some sand get in the way or too strong of winds for your sails. What ever it is remember to look for the lighthouse. He will carry you to shore. And in the end, you to may have a beautiful pearl that changes you forever. Just remember; God has a purpose and a testimony in it. You may not see it today but tomorrow. If he can put the salt in the ocean and tell the waves where to stop on the sand… He too can perform a miracle in you.

~Marli ( Angel Mom to Rhett Alec Wright)

Parent like God

Looking back at my life from time to time, there are moments I can tell you I have seen God. There are times I can tell you I have questioned God and have also felt like I have been alone without God. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care . However it’s just the opposite.

As parents you try to let your child gain independence slowly. You want them to be able to care for themselves one day, but you also don’t want to teach them “how to” all in one day. God does that too.

So when you let your child dress themselves in clothes that don’t match, or you let them choose their hairstyle, you are teaching them how it is to make choices. God does this as well. He lets us get up and choose everyday to worship him or not. Or better yet, how we will. Will it be a song or a verse today? Prayers of praise or will we ignore him? Whatever we choose, he allows us to do.

Then you have times as parents were you have to allow them to be tempted to see if they remember what you taught them. Maybe it’s a simple, “Don’t Chase the ball if it goes out of the fence” rule- or maybe it’s much harder than that. Even as children we know what we should and shouldn’t do. So again, God does this with us. But he allows us to be tempted. He allows us to choose what we think is right and wrong…

We won’t always make the right choices and he knows that. He loves us enough to hold us and tell us that we can choose better next time.

I know that right now I may not be an “Earthly” parent right now, (because my son is in heaven), but one day I hope to parent like God. Full of love. Full of forgiving grace. Teaching right from wrong. But until then I will try to let God parent me… because I want him to use me in great ways, not just for the small stuff.

– Marli Wright