Understanding the Trial

“We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” Acts 14:22

Understanding. It’s something that human beings want so badly. To “understand” life, to understand “death”, to understand the “unexplainable”. I have found that when walking this unexpected road of life that “true understanding” is a fantasy world.

You see even in the Bible God tells us we will never understand His ways, His whys, His nows, His plans; yet we still ask daily like a toddler wanting a piece of candy- for understanding. God tells us that even if He sent understanding to us; we wouldn’t understand anyways. He’s not calling us dumb- he’s saying we would never be content on this side of heaven.

As many know this year has been a hard one. When expectations of a joyous happy family and child were what we imagine; God had a different plan. A plan I won’t ever understand until heaven. A plan that one day I may seem slivers of whys, but never the full picture. It’s like putting a puzzle together, but some pieces are missing no where to be found. You can see part of the photo; but because those pieces are gone you will never see the full photo. That’s how Gods understanding will come to us on Earth.

As a Christian we are supposed to see grief and tribulations differently than the rest of the world. This however does not immune us from the other feelings that we as human have to experience. Anger, sadness, despair- they happen. Yes, even in a Christians life.

Look at Paul; even though he was shipped wreck on a island, bitten by a snake, in the cold and rain, and all he wanted to do was go home because he knew the route that should have been taken but the driver didn’t listen- Paul still got mad with God. Paul did not want to be in Malta.

Paul asked what more must he go through after being shipped wrecked and bitten by a snake. I would have asked that too, in a matter of fact- I have many times. Do I think God gets mad as us for asking? No, I don’t think he does. He knows our ways of thinking can never understand this life or it’s whys. So what do we do about it?

Well, that is the part I’m learning. What to do after the whys, after the answers God allows you to know, but what now?

I’ve been to doctors and appointments for test and answers. Sure they can tell us somethings, but the rest have been pointing straight to God. For every “I don’t understand” I hear it’s a scream from God saying- “It’s me! It’s part of the plan!”. I don’t understand a lot of things; but I don’t know how one can walk this road of grief and not see signs pointing to God. At times it’s like God is waving a sign in front of me saying, “I know all the whys. I know the answers. Trust me. I know.”

And that’s when you get a reality check of God himself. We read about others feeling his presence and knowing who he is, but unless you allow yourself to truly trust God you won’t understand what I’m writing about. It’s a moment when you literally hand yourself over to God saying, “Ok, I’m done making choices. I’m done trying to figure out why and how. Take it. I trust you with my life.” In that moment you’ll start to understand things that seem impossible to understand. Contentment is what I’m talking about. Accepting the whys. Not understanding them- But just accepting them.

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how a baby is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the world of God, the maker of all things.” Ecclesiastes 11:5

So your probably thinking, “So that’s it? Just accept and go on?” No grieve, look for understanding- and in time God will slowly allow you to understand things- but you do have to realize there maybe some answers you won’t get here on Earth.

So what do you with all your “whys?”

As I was reading a study I’m doing right now, it touches on this. I found it helpful when I thought about it for awhile. I would like to share it now from the book, “Grieving the Child I never knew, by: Kathe Wunnenberg” .

It says: “It’s interesting to note in the book of Job that, in response to 16 whys, there are 59 who’s, which refer to God. So the next time you ask Why? About loss or unanswered questions, consider changing that ( Y ) to an ( O ).”

So that’s what I done this morning. I thought of the “who’s”.

Who came into my life that has helped me so much because God put them their? Who have been helped through this process that I may never know. Who is just now allowing themselves to grieve because I am allowing myself to, and they feel as if for once they can to? Who has came to Christ because I’m talking about a child that God sent and then took back but through our story has saved someone? Who… who is just now reading this and is finally accepting that God is God and his plans are bigger, so trusting him isn’t so bad after all…. Who?

That’s why I decided to write again, is for one “who”. If one person can get closure, or closer to God- then my writing is not in vain. God said his word will never return void. So I may never understand the every Why I write down, dream up, or cry about…but for every why there’s a who… And I can name about five who’s, that have helped me so far- and I hope that God will use this test- to make a testimony. That Rhett’s short life will not be remembered in total pain- but as joy and hope for ourselves and others.

It’s what you decide to do with your grief and pain that matters most. You can hurt forever, and you will- but you can allow God to take that pain and help you sorrow no more. Sure, days and waves of grief will hit- but God will pull you from the deep waters into his boat and take you to shore where joy is, and remind you that your strong, that your doing good, that most of all your loved by Him himself, your child or loved one, and others around you on Earth and He will sustain you….but most of all- He never leaves you alone.

You won’t ever understand the trail; but if you trust God- He will help you be content with the trail.

Thank you & God bless.

-Marli

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