Holding on in 2019

“A new year & a new you!” “This is my year to take back myself!” “I’m going to shed the weight, go for that dream, ask for a promotion!”

We all have heard the “Nee Year” Resolutions, but most of the time in about a month they too fissile out. The gyms will slow down, the dreams will become smaller, & soon summer will be here.

But for those who suffer from loss, we think: “Another year already? It seems like I’m still trapped in 2017. It cannot be 2019…” Maybe your like me & you wonder “how”?

Last year I wrote a blog about my resolutions. How it was going to be “my year”! How I was going to hope more worry less. How I was going to let go and let God! (You know all those Christian bumper sticker sayings.) To some degree I did those things, but in other I failed…

No we did not receive our rainbow.

No we did not hear news we wanted to hear.

We had to suffer all the holidays all over again without our Rhett.

We had to feel the pain of the unknown and the what if’s like they were just here yesterday.

The new year isn’t always “great” for some. Maybe you too know the pain…

Most of you know our story. Most of you know about our special Rhett Alec ❤️. Most of you know I have PCOS and everything that is easy for one woman is difficult for me. Medicines, emotions, this road can become hopeless very easily. That’s what grief does. It takes your joy, places it in a blender, and poof it’s gone. Al your left with is a smoothie of emotions and they don’t taste pleasing through a straw…

This Christmas, I have a friend that gave me a very special gift. She too is an angel Mom and her friendship to me is very dear to my heart. She gave me a necklace with Rhett’s name on it, but on the back it had Psalms 46:5.

Psalms is a book I enjoy, but I could not remember this verse to save my life – so one morning, I opened my bible to find a verse I needed to describe my journey thus far.

“God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her, at break of day.” -NIV

Some versions say “God is with her”, I like this one instead.

“God is WITHIN her, she will NOT fall.”

That alone brought me to tears. I was at the end of “my” hope and I was wondering if I would become hopeless again. Then I read this. God is not only with me, but for me, protecting me, guiding me, holding me, but his strength & hope is within me. So with that said I cannot fall spiritually. I cannot fall even though I feel I failed every resolution I made. Those are “my plans, my wishes for the year”. God sees a different picture.

“God will help her, at break of day.”

Not only did God say he’s with me, but he gave me a time when he would meet up with me and help me. “Break of Day”. Or in other words “Morning”. God will meet me every morning, IF I choose to meet him there. He will show up, but I have to show up too. He will help me get through hard days. Looking back he’s already rescued me drowning deep roaring waters, the valley of the shadow of death, deep deep dark grief, and he leads me now even when I feel like there is no more light on my life- he’s still there. Every morning like clock work, the sun rises and God is waiting on me to say- “Hey, I’m here.”.

This year may not be my “year”. I don’t know what this eat will even hold. God does. He allowed me (in 2018) to send 10-12 Rhett boxes to hurting families who lost a child as well, so they may can know God’s healing. He’s allowed me to share my story a time or two to complete strangers. So 2019 May hold bigger things than my mind can dream of right now. I have to hold on to hope that God will and does know the desires of my heart and will provide those things. Not because I’m worthy, but because in 2018 I finally grasped the meaning of his love. It has shown me new things. God has shown me I can be a spiritual warrior and be quiet as well. He’s shown me this through his love.

So maybe you too feel hopeless going into 2019. Let me tell you God hasn’t forgotten you. He knows exactly where you are. He knows your situation, desires, needs – & he hears them.

This year I’m working on the “bitter” parts of me & trying to let God turn them in “better” parts.

And like Lecrae sings in his song: “I’ll find you” – I’ll leave you with this.

“Just fight a little longer my friend
It’s all worth it in the end
But, when you’ve got nobody to turn to
Just hold on, and I’ll find you

We choose to fight every moment in our grief stricken road, but if we meet God every morning- He’ll find you & show you the worth in the end.

*****************************************Prayers for a wonderful 2019. What are some of your resolutions? Comment them below!

Pray for families who have lost love ones & above all be kind!

Thank y’all so much for reading,

– Marli Wright

(Angel Mom to Rhett Alec)

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